1. |
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What Do You Expect Me To Do:
i cant spend eternity bored out of my being
if the spirit gives the body life
the spirits just as human in
the absence of pain and mortal decay
id still be hurtin
just a wisp that washes long past due
in some aging survivors window curtain
my spirits tied herself to music
all its being lives and breathes in notes of music every silence is just some bars of rest
without a sound im salt and foam
in a red red ocean
lead bedded ocean
what if there ain’t no vinyl records in the afterlife
or no studios no Neumann 47s in the afterlife
or no synthesizers electric guitars drums or bass in the afterlife
what do you expect me to do
when I do die
what do you expect me to do
when i do die
if you think ill rest in peace
you haven’t seen how restless ive been lately
i never plan to stop
i will accept no ending
ill find new vessels
i will find new types of instruments to play
or ill bang on the walls of wherever my spirits taken to be
expect me to pester you saying
give me something to do
give me something to do
will anyone i know be there
cause if im lonely youll be sorry
crying black tears into a
red red ocean
lead bedded ocean
what if there are no steinway grand pianos in the afterlife
no harpsichords or bells or chimes
in the afterlife
no computers daws or cheap USB microphones in the afterlife
what do you expect me to do
when i do die
what do you expect me to do
when i do die
what if there are no bands or festivals in the afterlife
or any musical family art connections in the afterlife
what if all thats there is a blinding sun eye thats shines all over me day and night
what do you expect me to do
when i do die
what do you expect me to do
when i do die
if you think that you can do better than music in the afterlife
there’s no way that you can say that
without admitting that you are lying
i cant stop and i wont stop
you cant make me not even in the afterlife
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2. |
When All Things Are Well
04:51
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When All Things Are Well:
when all things are well
when my desert lies still
with no turbulence
when i can hear noises
the quietness makes
no verbal feed
fair pace of breathing
fair level of tender
fair case of being alone
in your weather
fair chance im lost in a calypso record
you play all night
when all things are well
all things are hell for whom that lives up there
well for goodness sake
what good layer of what bad cake
do you think we’ve recovered from
fair price for that many years of neglect
white rice in honey for a new kind of project
its nice
your nice
so nice
you’ve got
a voice
for
eons
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3. |
A Threat Is a Promise
04:58
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A Threat is a Promise:
under shifting hues
in daddy belt shoes
in revolving frost
she waits in grey
holding a soaking knife
and loaded gun
listens for a whisper
or a giveaway expression
crouching in the rain
arms tied behind the back
am i still a traitor do we still die
a threat is a promise committed to the first time, no hesitation
come on james never knew you as the type to lie
her vidal
toying with his cryptics
blood-stained letters written to his capote
he plants his sweaty face
directly on the page
so she can see his eyes
radiating his empty rage
im ready to die set my tired spirit free
take your best shot i will not let you miss me, no hesitation
come on rat man hit me hit me
are you hearing me dont you know how long
ive waited to do my final rites in song
in your vampires curse
in my ailing health
come on james take me with you in the jaws of your hell
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4. |
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I'm Gonna See My Abuser Again:
im gonna see my abuser again
yeah
im gonna see my abuser again
i dont know why
i want to see my abuser again
but sometimes theyre good to me
when no one else is really ever free for me
treats me like a princess those times
when she isn’t doing too bad
they’re at every party im invited to
turn your back she still keeps an eye on you
my friends didnt get the memo i sent
they were at the door everywhere i went
fake a smile til i make it out
don’t relive and don’t recount
just slide into your comfort restaurant
look out the window for forever if you want
i don’t wanna drink
i never drink
but now that I think on it
do i wanna drink
yes i wanna drink
yes ill have a drink
it can’t possibly be
as bad as them i think
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5. |
Ready Yr Not
06:01
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Ready Yr Not:
are you ready for me
can you look me in the mirror and say
thats who i wanna be
thats who you know you are
you ready for me
to love and respect me
to honor me and sanction me
with your benefit of doubt
you see i might be sweating
a little blood
you see i might be bleeding
a little mud
you see that i seem stubborn
maybe a little pissed
cause im the only one
who isn’t done
reminding what you missed
every now and then
i turn my head to you asking
are you ready now
no youre not you never will
(dont give a fuck at all)
we’re all waiting here for you
to put on your boots and catch up
we’re all waiting at the finish line
the race is over and we’ve all gone home
we know
you just won’t be ready
for a while
why arent you ready yet
its the 21st century
should’ve been ready in the eighties
when it could’ve really counted
why do i act surprised
when folks just grow themselves more feet to drag
or axes to just lop them at the ankles
yet how am i so hopeful
i guess im just desperate
and have been for a really long time
i just keep it secret
you see that i seem stubborn
maybe a little pissed
cause im the only one
who isn’t done
reminding what you missed
i know yr ready for me
i know you can look me in the mirror and say
thats who i wanna be
thats who you know you are
you ready for me
do you got a friend to help you choose a wardrobe for the real you
ready to be scared every day
are you ready for truth to hit you
are you ready for making friends to be much harder than it used to
let’s be afraid together
but let’s not just submit nor surrender
lets not harden the heart
but the skeleton
when all your favorite stans are gone
who will you have to lean your speaker on if were not here
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6. |
For As Briefly As I Live
06:24
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For As Briefly As I Live:
for as briefly as i live
stubborn servant to perfection which i just cant give
for as minutely as i stand
a blanket thoughtlessly thrown from yr slithering hand
i grow so pale
standing one inch high
looking for pratchetts death
to sever what ties me down
yr black eyed dog
is now at my door
we thought he had enough
(after 44 years)
but i guess he still wants even more
for as briefly as i live
a big step on a broken staircase
is all fate can give
for as minutely as i stand
a pair of red eyes in a uniform acting on his own command
i waste so much
to just return
i should have known the earth was no longer young and unlearned
the ground itself
attempts to flee
they wont even let me into the afterlife that holds everybody
just like me
for as briefly as i walk upon the mother stomach
i will fancy what we can’t see
even with what’s comin
to expound a flailing spirit
sweating multicolor paint
i will try to be okay but god forbid im made a saint
i wont make as big a footprint
as some of my friends make
but i will leave them still uncovered with what contents in my wake
with every rope within my voice
and every second of this prayer
all the swiftness to whoever is my
chosen pansy slayer
and should i die by sword or bullet
or predatory cancer vessell
onward to the devil’s mess hall
unless the entree look don’t fit
i dream so many days
of being blessed with all your strength
a deity’s mangled anger
but im not so much your divine stranger
when all your favorite stans are gone
who will you have to lean your speaker onto if were not here
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7. |
Two Little Pansies
05:31
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Two Little Pansies:
ive kissed the groom or what would be
the equivalent standing
in their place of someone else’s wedding
ive cleared a room one at a time
just to code in all my fancies
and ive seen that room from the awkward view of the singer of their house band
ive skipped a pebble kick
down a brooklyn stream til i was sick
i keep burying acorns asking for something of me to be seen as labor
i only have so much skin to tattoo every note ive written
were gonna get old no matter what
no matter what
no matter what
two little pansies in twenty twisted blankets
breathing until we see the glow from the lightbulb moving
two little pansies in hundreds of little colors in the dirt that we reign higher than until we retire back again
two little pansies in a bushfield full of thorns
watching prince phillip cut his way through barely missing us
two little pansies here because we want to
thats where we got planted
thats where we’ll greet you every spring
ive drunk a lake and made a house from all the fish there
and you nursed me in my long hangover
you always see my days
from the most uncanny gaze
like youre a fly with a DSLR trying to remain level
i could slip and fall on your outside wisdom into the grass you lay across the beach that represents me
im just burning for your cinnamon
windblown flowing scarves around a winter swing
in entertainment of a flock of pigeons who try and fail to leave us
and now were here and staring waiting til we fall asleep
were gonna get old no matter what
no matter what
no matter what
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8. |
Undoctored/Spirit Wife
05:01
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Undoctored/Spirit Wife:
i hope you know you are as beautiful as you are serene
so at one with nature and the quietness of the world
a lot of human things we take for granted
have passed you by and youve struggled sometimes
you have such deep connections with the green earth that you capture
in pictures where no humans ever were in sight
you have a gentleness far surpassing anyone
everything you do you do with quiet faded wisps of movement
never could be forceful
never could be loud or terrifying
so anomalous
youre so anomalous
i mean this in the very best way
an expression of such stunning strength you’ve kept so well preserved
with the patience and resilience of an old sequoia
i mean this in the very best way
we share a close knit guardedness of our infant spirit hearts
weve suffered decay but weve held defenses strong
and we still can find the joys offered absent of our influence
like a break in the overcast with pink skies and sun setting
flocks of flying birds in frosty winter air
a light near a park bench
in a foggy evening
the way untainted nature doesn’t give a fuck at all
the green that still grows on the mayors castle
and the places of the world that weve never seen outside of the photos we see undoctored
were undoctored
let us remain as we be
undoctored
if looks can kill yours bring me to life
dancing spinning glowing spirit wife
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9. |
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Deep Red:
i crush too much
and i dont talk enough
and ive got a lot to say
but do u got a lot to hear
from me specifically
are you just better at concealing yr feelings than me
cause im not good at all im obviously
deep red
the way you talk and the way u do that
pisces thing
that virgo thing
i dunno what it is about you except
the armada country creamer in your voice
im so scared to tell you the things that i believe of you here
i never know how content you are to disappear
the way you talk and the way u do that
libra thing
that cancer thing
it devastates me
falling bowling pins in my heart cavity
i crush too much
and i dont talk enough
and ive got a lot to say
but do u got a lot to hear
from me specifically
are you just better at concealing yr feelings than me
cause im not good at all im obviously
deep red
the things that you find soft
the way that you remain so free
so representative of the futures i cant help to see
you make me want to travel to wherever you want to wander to
my roots have always been above the ground its hard to keep them down
i crush too much
and i dont talk enough
and ive got a lot to say
but do u got a lot to hear
from me specifically
are you just better at concealing yr feelings than me
cause im not good at all im obviously
deep red
well your souls as old as mine
yet your just as young as me
were just a couple pansy troubadours stuck on the cis side of most things
cheating the cheater
bamboozelin the joy depleter
by depleting his own reckless
joy joy joy joy
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10. |
My
04:55
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My:
hello my darling
most precious of the sages
most wisest of the woodlings at your table
our home does grow so dark whenever your eyes are shut
but it is kept warm in blanket swarms of you
hello my cherry
my twinkle in the icing
in your pajama shirt and flower pants
most things bear their cruelty when youre not in the room with me
surely there ought to be much more of you amongst us
hello my fairy
i promise you your fallacies
are pebbles to my towers
they have the same design as yours
its like the architects
have the same things they project
in the way they cut the stone and lay cement
hello my angel
my pansy icarus
who made it all on strength and spunk alone
you have such great full-hearted things that magnetize to you
and i was one
and this polarity can never change a bone
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11. |
Run Fly
06:14
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Run/Fly:
my thoughts do run like a wild horse
in that they arent things that we see today
but in every horse that we encounter
we all can see and feel their brayin
in their spirit
running spirit
in their spirit racing in a frippery of pace
running free from the new form of restless sea
for yonder hills of vivid green
comraderie with the only few humans around
all so bright like a fever dream
yet its alright like a
peaceful scream
peaceful scream
peaceful scream in the way of a captured prey from whom the predator consumes the disease
but i love too much
i love too much
i love too much
to go running with em yet
i love too much
i love too much
i love too much
to go running with em yet
my feet do keep themselves so planted
for out of sight my neighbors remain chained on
i still grow leaves from all my branches
and birds still build their nests
in my hands
in my hands
in my heads a home from which has been flown the pieces of vices of family familiar
you can see im hollowed out right here
thats where youve burrowed for the winter for your warmth
i bloom so brightly still
theyll never fell me
from this hill
from this hill
on this hill im immortalized in a painting
by a woman who felt so still the same air
but i love too much
i love too much
i love too much
to go flying without you
i love too much
i love too much
i love too much
to go flying without you
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12. |
I Continue Living
03:34
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I Continue Living:
I continue living with you next to me
I continue living in close proximity
I continue living in ways that are true
I continue living never forgetting you
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Dani Lee Pearce Denver, Colorado
nb trans songwriter orignally from the west coast
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