let me situate myself. get my bearings of the day grass grows steel bends memories dip uteruses explode friends sneeze 6 times a minute flavors good mood set i write on my phone waiting for my therapist to return from taking a SHIT me and my very best friend want to be disney kids. star in a pretty disney sitcom, where were both rich and always happy, everyones always pretty, where were always at the center of everything, going on wacky rich kid adventures together. my friend you could say a highly admirable detached pixar kid who has secretly read all of deleuze & guattari and nick land and understands all of what they're all saying in the screenwriting for each show. im just really emo, really fucked up, really messy. we think were the perfect duo. a few of our friends think so too. made for stardom. made for exploitative merchandise. made to be mickey mice. i think about the one musical show with the zombies. you know, the ones where the zombies are just normal disney kids, except with green skin? i hypothesize that i could recieve this treatment. the dream is real. so is our audition. my friend is tangibly interesting, i probably am too, on a scale of not at all to quite a lot more than my friend, but with no real solid pinned down place. i come shuffling into the disney lot in broken shoes, a greasy face left over from my previous meal, and the same clothes ive worn since 2018. my friend comes in fresh as fuck. like a living ice cream cone. i dont say a word. my friend presents themselves as easily able to fit in to other stereotypical disney kids, and then breaking away to make sure my character recieves positive attention. my only action ever is a hug. im otherwise motionless, statuesque, grimly and staticly destitute in the sunshine world of far too much money and pressure from behind the scenes grooming and abuse. not even dan schnieder would fuck with me. were both pretty adamant that were both the next big thing. our dream is real. so is your eventual answer of yes, we will develop this. well pay anything. i can read like a book the mind of one executive. i suggest sardonically the series title that hes just thought of, what feels like a fairly obvious winner: _When Hitler Met Sally_. this is received in a way. this is most loudly recieved in a way by the man who concieved it, like i had just caught him urinating directly into the drain on the bathroom floor, his most favorite fantasy. all of them look like theyve seen a ghost, and they have. but more specifically, they look like they saw the first poor kid theyve ever seen in their life. Her name is Bethyl Hammer. She’s tired. our visions dont match. their obvious loss. our obvious future gain. forced back underground but lucky in a sense. everyone knows this is where vulnerabilities live. the roots of their bearings of jewels from shells of murdered gasping fruit the pipes to their pieces the wires to their sun the treacle to their ink marrow which now trickles out as threads of a sweater blinds of a curtain the blood of apocalypse the unveiling of secrets a wound that keeps pumping tearing an inch further open each pulse the ink paints washes clean an old painting a synesthetic Beardsley with the cum of Wain and nurturing warmth of georgiana houghton here is where you collapsed me inside my bed and whispered the assignment that would define a new regency where we get led right to the beating hearts of lonely aching needy sources to Destroy.....and make......joy.

peace weavin scary lookin always buildin out of view everywhere sensible home stitch slice of a sickle birth of a hammer tale of a cammer home intrusions of the fearful the stealth of ages crusade of the sage brush take them over vanishing oldward a web connector wonder earth take them over out of sight out of sight uh uh uh uh a giant trampoline to live on a giant snare for the sprawl of the armed whom we shall consume and nurture ourselves upon i cope a little better i breathe a little wider i switch a little softer see peace as a spider vampire infants learning to suck their own blood know how they taste know their very best flavors

youve been a very bad girl im launching a full scale assault you havent been what the oracles have promised you to be let me put into perspective your trajectory youve been a very bad girl youre gonna feel a lotta shit inside you that feels very not good you wont be able to sleep even though you know you should you can scream if you can still breathe deep enough i like how you think you were already tough im testing you you got to learn to take care of yourself nobody else for now im forcing you to have to do it just in order to survive just know im testing you you got to learn to take care of yourself nobody else for now where did those frequencies go? guess youll have to go and look and find them you can see yourself staring right into gods asshole gonna get sucked right in theres just a pit that groans right under the ribs you try to feed it and it screams for blood and you convulse in the night and you freeze to a crisp you think youre going and perpetually not quite there a human bodys just another walking horror story a human body’s just another fucking horror story a human body’s just a BIG FUCKING MESS AAAHH it wants to break and we can’t let it break it wants to shut down wants to have a system failure but we can’t but we can’t but we can’t its never good, much less ever what we’d even ask for it wants to break and the blood tastes like steak it wants to shut down wants to have a system failure but we can’t but we can’t but we can’t

crick crack guess whos back lets spasm out a lick-quick smack its hammers free its pounders wave the curse on set of Meet Dave here come the boots to reprimand here comes the new queen of nightmare land the fibro fairy the scoli skeeter muff the magic dragon eater punks all think im too extreme goths all think i get too dark tiktok teens head for the trees and chasers only see a swarm of killer bees a cis bitch cannot know the things the transes never show something just for me kept in my steel gut dont try to cut me i dont end im just here just try to melt a stoney queer if im meant to raise my doubled axe then ill make a new split in your ass i dont end i just go i start im off i cant desist if im meant to rise then rise i must and rise i have it was written in rust i dont quit never will what you think fuzz is really quills if im meant a gear in two ill crack it in three and crush you i had to become god to take you down and isnt that a sign that you were too dangerous i had to become lightening to take down yr walnut tree so all the oak trees could live

every morning my mouth seals shut i put up a front to absorb yr cut it was always flimsy at best but i still put up a front to be yr secret smut i just get by because a lil pig sty is better than no sty at all im just a square thing no real rare thing just a dumpster bitch rat whats the matter never get touched at all these days but i put up a front cause i gotta be a nice gay see if the energy feels right but i put up a front because i might be too forward too needy too horny for you be too forward too needy too horny for you why should u recieve affection when you just cant behave why should u recieve affection when youre just so depraved why should u receive love when you toss out friendship for the lay get some church pants on that ass and ask the lord to get saved i come flying up from over there wearing my ex’s underwear stomping on bel air and the valley because the meek shall inherit cali stomping in the roofs of men who are jerkin off to my giant hen exposing them and their great look of disgrace when they skitter away the noise we hear all day until they crawl out from under their desk and say wipe them out, leave no trace and always with that reddish face spinning on a pole spread my ass for cameras where i belong elsewhere i get damned ive seen the exploitation i know what youll do if i let out a peep from inside i cant hold it in forever before id raise some fuck to show you the power of our anger to send a message we wont get fucked with again but i put up my front listen to you call me a cuntless cunt cause i know at that time that if i tried someone might go make sure that ive died and id get harassed in the daytime never mind the night, get chased everywhere hiding cameras inside my hair what good is a taser if they only stare ill just stay indoors and be nowhere doesnt matter how long weve been around doesnt matter what hirschfield ever put down doesnt matter if we were in ancient rome or in ancient greece doesnt matter if i even have titties cause thats the way you mozey if a spoiled cis white man says so then thats the way you mozey if it gets you paid if it gets you laid then thats the way you mozey or if it doesnt get you one or the other or both then thats the way uh huh uh huh you mozey im the ink marrow girl and i gotta spew stuff nothing new but i still gotta hurl spitting up ink spitting it pink spitting it blue like a fucking twink if i spit it white then i got the flag but why fuck with flags they just fuck us back and stab through both tits like a roasting spit watch out! gonna rhyme this all with “shit” i gotta poke where it hurts ruffle up a rich white mans shirt get erased from all walks of life and such no shows no films the usual crutch and they like to think thats its just a white thing because the whites are the most alive our black and brown siblings left in dust we never reckon past memes and jokes these are our siblings and we just leave them when really we’ve got the means to protect them some of us whites have got money somewhere we could be using that to some good end we just dont care we just dont care we could be showing up but we just dont care we just dont care some of us try to care but the ones with the pull and gold just glare now i pull that gold from teeth and pocket and smash the gold where theres planes and rockets bitchzilla on rail skates, skyscraper legs and powder kegs in her punch on the hunt for conservative types that throw a fit that were in their sight run them over with their own car that 69 jaguar but once id just put up my front cause im homeless and looking for a place to bunk and if i meet the social criteria the trans girl hosting me will do a query-a have me join her trans polycule where ill be called a good girl and fucked like a fool oh shit, ASD is starting to show they all have that look in their face like woah i got big energy big obsessive sometimes i can be big posessive fidgety dissociative and spacy and traumatized im fuckin crazy the thing that scares them is this is no meme the traits i exhibit are the real thing i keep being left on the side of road and i feel like theres no frog to my toad ive left a long trail of folks that ive hurt ive left beautiful faces down in the dirt and ive been called every kind of word for it cause thats the way they mozey if a spoiled rich white man says so then thats the way you mozey if it gets you paid if it gets you laid then thats the way you mozey or if it doesnt get you one or the other or both then thats the way uh huh uh huh you mozey keep putting up that front thats what everybody wants in this town no ones blunt about it just keep up that front and go away

i need a mono contraction over a single night a giggle fest wrapped in overalls and legs that fight i need some fey tones sugar bones flower nipples black skirts thigh high socks kitten ears on a sparkle band a stomach lake pool a real fool a total tool king k. rool i need a girl crocodile i need a girl cock in my eye a Girl Fix just another Girl really quick no deep intentions no forever promises but just you know a girl fix another girl here tonight and gone tomorrow back another night if we get on okay a five hour dancer with an impulse streak like me like me i need a pair of warm eyes and a really cute jaw line a walking book or a zine all the same with spectrum lines just as long as your a story i will wanna open you to read the lovely words inside you bookmark my favorite place for another time soon when we need a Girl Fix another Girl really quick no deep intentions no forever promises but just you know a girl fix another girl here tonight and gone tomorrow back another night if we get on okay a five hour dancer with an impulse streak like me like me just us two girls one piece of mind for a nighttime just this room just this bed you get so loud voice gets up high now please be quiet if the neighbors ask just say youre dying thats our girls night

greasing my lightning to strike you smooth 95 horsepower in one tooth grind me down to a single stick gonna make myself be the fattest tick wash this fusion through my necklace through the doors with the draw of my cutlass did i arouse five dudes or six well to tell you the truth ive forgotten it all of these punks feel lucky so gonna leave them edging like a stove into my one-horse open fuck you take your money and i take my cue don’t burn down my woods or ill sink yr enchanted private desert isle break your spirit and ill break your neck cause the cards just tell me what the heck go do what you want everythings direct so there ain’t no forecast of regret catch your villians in a time of neglect show them who’s the real defect my spontaneous conjuring of a seismic shift in the bends of spring my girl drug intake shooting through the gears of my one horse open fuck you life works this way no it works this way no it works this way im sure its this way life works this way no it works this way well which way the fuck is it it’s mine this is mine this is it this is fine this is shit this is what my face looks like this is what yr face seeing my face looks like this is what the face of every bitch on this bitch planet looks like no ones saying life works this way no it works this way no it works this way im sure its this way life works this way no it works this way well which way the fuck is it it’s mine in crushing anguish we all still stand we dare to dream in a nightmare land weve got a lovely gunsocket where we keep our peice of you in boiling heat skin soaking wet bitches are not giving up yet into my one-horse open fuck you take your money and i take my cue don’t burn down my woods or ill sink yr enchanted private desert isle break your spirit and ill break your neck cause the cards just tell me what the heck go do what you want everythings direct so there ain’t no forecast of regret catch your villians in a time of neglect show them who’s the real defect my spontaneous conjuring of a seismic shift in the bends of spring my girl drug intake shooting through the gears of my one horse open fuck you oh i love you more than the stars do love the infinite nothing and how they love to form celestial beasts that we can only connect a few dots to you wanted to hit me wanted me hot for your hackneyed hickey i dare say thats heckin you got em just checkin i guess u gotta just bottom twiggy fuckin fart dust my moms a rat a dildo is my dad whats in my pants is a knife and in my asshole the black sea and you Will all swim in it

you know friend i dont think you know why i come off like i do why the colors pop out and im never too rude why i just want to spread some comfort we all need comfort this is the style that i work in always had the feeling that you hesitate cause you talk with others in a different way but around me your much more reserved i can’t quite understand the codes you swerve to ~~~~~~~~~~~~ too pure you say im so pure you see me as only what i project but you don’t know what ive seen what ive felt all the ghosts that i keep in my head paying rent in dopemine i seem to be too pure pushing 25 but i guess i look 19 keep giving me advice that i took to heart twice i do all this and still play nice and i still tango with the demon with the crossed out eyes who speaks in the language of all i don’t say xe cant kill me cause xe needs me i can think of many who are just that way ~~~~~~~~~ i dont think you fully grasp the weight of me maybe in sparkling i actually feel free its everything i never was allowed to do cause it was not inspired by god i never took a cue cause i wish to love for love’s sake but i would never ever say gods fake but the version they gave me never really swayed me it was just their own narcissistic manifest destiny this is my house this is my shield its not the only thing i am or feel cause in this house i got many closets that i hide in when ive just lost it i’m draped in the CYMK rainbow and i allow myself to glow so the next time that you see me in my fox cape hoodie and my pj bottoms know its whats good for me its my armor cause ive melted inside the deepest reaches of the thickest evil i’ve seen what the darkness is made of its red and pulsing and screaming forming the shape of a giant bleeding opera house with twisted intensine lining the ceiling with millions of terrified eyes and sounding like the final movement of beethovens 9th the scariest music of all time in mine i feel all this and im doing fine

trying to feel something the way i feel i ought to when i see those two see those three see that kiss in that movie trying hard not to flail and scream i can witness but i can’t seem to do it right for real cause i hit this wall hit that wall hit this wall doors gone now hit the ceiling and floor now it just hurts and it burns wanna feel something but i never ever can wanna feel something but i never ever can i cant bring myself to conclude that what i want is not you cause im pretty sure you are my type thats why i fell hard and high when you took me by the arm with the gentlest force gave the most amazing hug i was floored when i try to tap into it all feels too dry well i know fucking you is great and being held by you is great and everything about you is great i feel bad i can only take so much before i have to decompress i wish i didnt always feel sore in my skin heartburn soulburn nah thats too cheesy life as a ropeburn for 10 years, okay maybe pentecostal permafrost the personal freedom that i tried to protect, misused corrupted by and lost in the storm of abuse in some sort of many ways i have a bad habit of idealizing ppl i love based on traits they show me that are the closest to my soulmate dream do i just dream of a shape in the clouds holding me telling me its ok i can rest i dont have to be big anymore i dont have to be scared and alone anymore i can pick you up and show you your favorite foods your desk for making music the world needs to hear you im very determined to make sure you live to bring beautiful sounds to the world that will listen i need to hear you always the art that you bring gives me life gives me happiness and i love you for that ill always be here cause i know that your gift needs so much nurturing and ill give u that support ill teach you to finally play the piano like youve always wanted to learn just rest now rest now tomorrows a bright sunny day i love you so much youre so driven and motivated to do good you deserve all that youve ever dreamed of all that you ever dreamed of

she sits down in the grass cranks the faucet to turn the garden hose on puts her thumb on the mouth sprays a tidal wave of fresh water up through her eyes and her nose no surprise her friends start to worry she slowly turns her head shes wide eyed wide smiled she still has her fountain shooting her face up says “you will never remember the very strange things I do won’t you im just a blot of yr time” she sees what she wants she grasps just soap bubbles left there frizzy hair like a brown bear xe was a glitter pritch prancin paisley in a thimble thong thunder witch hazel in a ping pong plunder glitter pritch girly with a pritch, get a prick and a bitch, all in one she makes you pray for her she makes you do a holy dance in her honor she makes you bathe in her holy ink laden mouth-born cleansing water

dont throw me away pls pls pls dont throw me away burn down the wheat burn down the rice burn down the straw with my head in a vice rip out the trees and bat out the houses stomp in the barns leave cheese for the mouses the rich are reading my thoughts stealing my notes and my ideas putting out songs and jokes and other things claiming it as their own the rich are stealing my strokes putting my vagus nerve into jeopardy everything operates under cloak wearing down everywhere all invisible the rich delete my dead friends everything ive loved just vanishes the rich is stealing the human spirit we believe in nothing nothing worth believing in nothing worth dying for i wonder who will steal from me i wonder who will profit off of me oh whats that you wanted a future well fuck you you dont get one we dont want you we dont care i wonder who will steal from me i wonder who will profit off of me oh whats that you wanted a future well fuck you so long bye not nice knowing you DIE i wonder who will pave over my shantyhouse i wonder who will burn up my pantyhoses i wonder who will steal from me i wonder who will make a million off of my words my scars my healing my relapses my pitfalls all the errors of my every way all my footprints undoubted in a blast of blacklight follow the trail where they vanish at the train station i wonder who will steal from me i wonder who will go to space with all of me except me

darling it could be everybody. it can be everybody, if you let them. every heart, the most broken, even the most loved, the most whole, can hold evil inside it. dumbass! fucking idiot! looks like you gotta be Reschooled in matter of the soul…… the most tender hand when it touches power it kills the tree makes the fruit fall free even a fruit like me once we stand like master or parent an elder with a face torn in three even a fruit like me bookshelf fly through screaming at midnight vacuum cleaner lands to my right even a fruit like me we see them again now this cant be real theyre wearing dark shades and hair dyed teal even a fruit like me wanting to hold a body close but you feel your body go comatose even a fruit like me can leave that curse even a fruit like me can rot from the core through the skin and the seed even a light like me can die in the season it was meant to be ripe even a fruit like me can wear the skin of softness and still bear its teeth even a mind like me could be lyin could be lyin manifesting the tools of command paranoid and brainsick the wrong feet land even a fruit like me the destination may appear to be the same but the road you take is one that i must flee even a fruit like me some folks learn to live one way and one way only for eternity even a fruit like me some folks never listen once crash through wishing to make their own key even a fruit like me some folks were just always bad and it took one witch for them to unleash even a fruit like me even a fruit like me can rise from a grave where it was meant to stay even a soul like me could seek shelter and protection through harm and deceit even a fruit like me can wear the skin of softness and still bear its teeth even a mind like me could be lyin could be lyin even a fruit they say can let out ugly demons in an ugly way even a fruit like me has a ghost of a chance on a path split between even a fruit like me can be a tool of government security even a voice like me can do nothing but cloud truth from belief even a fruit like me can see something to gain from people suffering even a fruit would never bother tryin’ oh for fucks sake for once in my life let me be surprised