Notes of a Nervous Little Pixie

by Dani Lee Pearce

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wendarose Amazing instrumentation, lyrics that are dark and personal yet hopeful, and showing the world that you are unafraid to use your voice. This is the album that gave me the courage and inspiration to make music! Favorite track: Trust.
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about

My first album with vocals, with songs written about the ongoing struggles, feelings and thoughts from the perspective of a young trans girl barely scraping by. Songs topics include and make references to abuse, mental illness, self-harm, recovery and self-love.

credits

released March 17, 2016

All songs written, recorded, composed and sung by Dani Lee Pearce.
Produced by Dani Lee Pearce and Wenda "Little Mer" Rose.
Artwork by Dani Lee Pearce.

Recorded July 2015-February 2016 at The Mer House and various other places in Portland, OR
EXCEPT

"Trust" composed in January 2014

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all rights reserved

about

Dani Lee Pearce Portland, Oregon

www.patreon.com/danileepearce

Dani Lee Pearce is a nonbinary trans grrl musician/producer who is also a fairy kitten, Sand Girl, and Owl-Moth, who harnesses sound like drifting daydreams and nightmares in a butterfly net and has long, intimate conversations with it, about all manner of things. ... more

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Track Name: Trust
an iron door swings open a stranger walks inside
is this just another stop of my never ending ride
i cower in the corner
no touch was ever gentle
no face showed any kindness or feelings sentimental
i know not what i did i seem to be a curse
forever i’ve debated whether they or i was worse
could i be second guessing is this how love should feel
i’ve seen so many forms i no longer know whats real
somehow they got me out of there and got me here
i was found tied up in the backyard on the coldest day of the year
i can’t say i’ve felt much warmer in the places that i’ve stayed
the rituals i’ve expected have become quite delayed
why have you even come here this face i’ve never seen
no one ever wants to see me i’m not pretty nice or clean
are you going to keep hurting me that’s usually what it is
i was told this many times back when i was his
a word drop in the post box that i keep between my ears
is this week the word “worth” it seems to appear
and i obviously don’t have it so the voices yelling at me say
that i’m just living yet another normal day
i used to be intelligent
now i’m just belligerent
how dare i know things beyond numbers and strings
new tasty revelations meant to be kept miles low
will make me enemies everywhere i go
i am ragged i am torn i’m of barely any form
there is never any calm before an endless storm
i will howl upon contact and shake until i completely deconstruct
it’s my only form of conduct
i will pledge all of my service
if it means i won’t have pain
it only works if i’m lucky but i don’t have much else to gain
and if there’s ever a problem i’ll automatically know it’s me
it must be me.
trust.


give love to your children
give love to your sisters
give love to your partners
give them nothing to fear

give them trust.
Track Name: Can't Help But Like You Anyway
i don’t exist when i’m doing fine
suddenly i’m here when i cross your line
and you got one on every side of me
i can’t see
in front of my nose
it seems you always suppose that i can’t
do any right on any day
but i can’t help but like you anyway

you call it slander if i do anything
no matter what words i write
what words i sing
you’re quick to jump and say i’m wrong
all along
even though i already said it
it would have helped if you didn’t jump ahead it
but really what can i say
somehow i still like you anyway

you’ve kept this up now for so many years
how do you go this long without changing gears
i’ve got no reason to do nothing bad
never had
yet you still plant it on me
don’t have the time to care to any degree
that’s not a game i’ll play
but i can’t help but like you anyway

with every put down and every defeat
i still get back up on my own two feet
pick my bloody face off of the dirty concrete
ain’t it neat
i’m smiling as i cry
i’ll come back tomorrow
i’m gonna keep trying even though
i am severely broken today
maybe that’s why i somehow still like you anyway
Track Name: Figure Out Me
i think of all my best ideas right before i lose them
and if i keep them never find a proper place to use them
makes me wonder how many ideas see the light of day
or if there really are any good ideas at all
and i just blow around with all of the leaves in fall

and if i see you don’t know if i should hide or kiss you
but all my stupid flustering just makes it look like
i dismiss you
then you walk away again
and i start missing you
and feel like an atrocious creature
why can’t this kind of thing
be one of my better features

still tend to wonder why i’m here
even if that sometimes is clear
i’ve never been one to well adhere
and i struggle to feel near to anyone
within my own hemisphere
every now and then i’m chained again
by a little nonsense fear

i’ll bite the bullet while it bites me back the same
suddenly i’m launched headlong into
another useless game
much like all the ones
i was made to play when
well
i guess you know what happened then

am i just crazy
am i just lazy
am i just maybe
pushing up a single daisy
am i decieving
am i recieving
if i look like i’m grieving
that’s just how i look believing
are we just out of tune
why don’t we take a few and
i’ll figure out me
and you figure out you
Track Name: Drawing On Your Skin
a cold winter's afternoon will find us here in cloudlight
i become the only one in hours that moves
i still feel your chills
i fed you your pills
i ask you what you need right now
you sigh

we hear the gentle sounds of rain on windows everywhere
i get up for a second to fetch you a drink
and you look up at me
let out a soft squeak
at least i'm getting something for the time

i whisper softly little words of love and rhyme to you
i draw a little flower on your cheek on other side
a small kiss like a mouse's hair
on either side with a mother's care
if only both our mothers ever cared

the times we have these kind of days where we lie motionless
where all the world moves way too quick and asks too much from us
i'm so proud you're still here
despite all of your fears
you really are as strong as i have always believed you are

drawing on your skin
gently stroking quiet curves
im drawing on your skin
where it was red yesterday
Track Name: Nervous Little Pixie
all things move so quickly
why don’t they stay
where i can play
for this nervous little pixie
it’s far too much to fly
talking without speaking
can’t do more at this time
at least my soft and fuzzy friend
can understand
tugging at my many strings
i don’t know where the ends meet
i find it fun to tie the knots
i’m constantly undoing
can’t remember how to sleep
can’t forget the words you said
everything’s become too
ambiguous to me
and the cold becomes quite warming
i prefer to be depleted of
my senses
i’m but a starfish in a hugging motion
i’ll come and cling to you
you’ll do for a while
all things seems so easy
to people that are far from me
this nervous little pixie
cannot reach very high
do i say the write thing
it’s hard to tell on most days
i fear that all i know and love will leave me
how can things so pretty be so very frightening
looking in your eyes gives me this feeling
i’m hearing voices and one too many choices
i disappear into the world under my blanket
and my daymare visions get more vivid
is my chest growing or is my heart failing
what if i lost everyone i know today
where would i turn
what would i say
and all i see is sound
angry and jagged lines and waves clashing in battle
i shiver when you touch me this way
i breathe so hard i feel inside that i’m turning grey
Track Name: Getting Too Old
No matter who i am
i’m always apart from the caravan
i’ve been told that i’ve strayed down a path not too straight
to a place rife with scam
no matter how i act
i never seem to fit the terms of my contract
they’ve told me that a woman shouldn’t be like me
and that i’ll never be one
just a god given fact
and i’m way too young to be getting too old for everything
and i’m way too young
what a curious feeling
no matter what i say
you still stay furious at me everyday
never matters how hard i work anymore
as long as you have your way
no matter how i breathe
i can’t seem to melt the frozen cave beneath
if i shiver it could be i’ve got loose pine needles in me
like a holiday wreath
no matter where i walk
i’ll never find the place where it all stops
where i can knock upon it’s door and say
yes i still need more rest can i please drop in
no matter how hard i fight
they’re still keeping our struggles alive
seems like no matter how they see
they still can’t read between the big bold lines
and i’m way too young to be getting too old for everything
and i’m way too young but i’m hanging by a string
and i know where i stand
but they try to tell me it’s the wrong kind of band
i had to escape to find these truths
but it seems like they’ll never quite understand
no matter how i sleep
my premonitions always cut my soul deep
memories of the bits of a good life that i lost
in a thick black sea
no matter what i look for
i never feel like anyone wants me anymore
or if i ever want anything or anyone in turn
so i just lay down on the floor
no matter who i am
i’m always apart from the caravan
it’s hard to hope like i used to
too used to my spirit getting jammed
and i’m way too young to be getting too old for everything
and i’m way too young but i can’t feel anything anymore
Track Name: I'm Looking
I'm looking for someone
who has run away to hide
but in her time of leaving
she left herself behind
She's so full of the love
and joy that she once had
and in my journey
I hope that she's learning
she can feel loved again
We haven't seen how much we've done
or all the things we've overcome
how much we find it peaceful
so very far from there
To see her dancing
arms stretched out towards the wind
We never thought we'd win
we never thought we'd find others of our kin
I'm looking for someone
that I know I can find
and soon I will be
no longer left behind
and so full of the love
and joy once again
and in our journey
we'll still be learning
its far from the end.