They'll Even Use My Name | Dani Lee Pearce

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They'll Even Use My Name

from Vanishing Into a Thin Chair by Dani Lee Pearce

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lyrics

i got a pack on the hunt for me
their monochrome flags with the one blue stripe
ive made my bed in the trunk in wooden crosshairs
waiting for the truth of how they know me to shred me ripe

succeeding this life is russian roulette played with a blank
reaching for an old couple across a world-long lake
i hold my olive branch
the olives plucked and promptly thrown to the dogs over the old wire gate

they smile so sweetly
dodge so plainly
avoiding openness
with soft and tender blindness
they will do anything
to manufacture kindness
theyll even use my name accidentally

castigated
invalidated
maybe even one day forceably castrated
unadvocated
investigated
quietly slated for uncertainties to come

some backwoods strangers who call themselves my cousins
they don’t want to see me
cause they know theyd wanna kill me
hey deadname your hair has gotten
so fuckin long
and your clothes are so much brighter than the ones you used to wear

i have evidence that i cant show
its in the way i always feel and how the cycles unfurl
all i meet they never see the broken girl underneath
i am the greatest unsung actor in the whole fucking world

its so easy to love a country
that hates everything that it taught you to hate as well
yes its me the faggot bastard child
who always let you down
have you come to watch me die
here’s the thorns, make your crown

go tell them its gods will
to just accept it
our son chose this fate
he can’t regret it
we only hope he was prepared to accept his fate of choice
that’s what happens you play with the wrong toys

credits

from Vanishing Into a Thin Chair, released June 28, 2020
written December 11, 2018

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Dani Lee Pearce image

Dani Lee Pearce Denver, Colorado

nb trans songwriter orignally from the west coast

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